Gotta Pay for college somehow

So my family have all decided to become Auntrapanures....Euntrapanners....Grrr....Sales People. Which is GREAT for them, but really bad for my bank account. #GottaSupport Anyway this got me thinking about what I could sell.... Than I remembered that in middle school I won an award for being an outstanding artist. I can't believe I forgot about my awesome talent!! I barely tried in art class and somehow got an award for it! Here's the secret: Its called be better than everyone else! #BornThisWay I'll draw Portraits of people! Everyone wants that right?! But they will have to be based on description over the phone or email because according to all the investigation discovery shows I watch on Netflix the more face to face interactions you have with people the more likely you are to get yourself killed. #Words2LiveBy #YouShouldBeWritingThisDown
Here are some samples:
Costumer emails
I am a woman, I hate being warm and I have gained quite the reputation for being a couch potato.
I drew them this:

Costumer:
I am a male, I haven't exercised since high school, and have never had a problem with the ladies.

 

 

Costumer:

Deformed and Scared...Also Bridges are nice.

 

 

 

You Know What?! Dying Alone....NBD

In the past year the phrase, "I'm going to die alone" has become rather trendy. People everywhere are coming to terms with the fact that their little quircks, lack of talent (with the opposite sex), and fashion might be the very thing that keep them from ever finding love. This spring break has been my own personal eye opener! I REALLY AM GOING TO DIE ALONE. At first I turned to Nyquil to sooth my aching soul....than something magical happened. I made a goal to go to a movie by myself. I would have to get used to this anyway. The outcome was something I did not expect. I LOVED IT!
Guys I realized I can be alone and love it at the same time! I could sit where ever I wanted, see whatever I wanted, and comment whenever I wanted! And here is the best part. You know who goes to movies at 2:00 in the afternoon?....Other Alone People! XD We were like in this cool little click. If something scary happened we all looked around at each other for comfort, if something funny happened we would look at each other and laugh! Than when the movie was over we all got up and went our own separate ways.... No Commitment. #DreamWorld

I'll do what I want! Like write a movie BAM!

Scene 1: The sun is rising, BreAndra helps a blind man cross the street. This is something she does EVERY morning. Lief watches from his room and blushes. 

Dartanion throws a football at the local park. He means to throw it at his friends (at least 3 because he is popular), but the football misses them and lands next to feleescia. She is sketching a twig she found on the ground next to her (she’s the artst type). The football startles her! She and dartanion make eye contact. Feleescia looks away real fast all shyly. Dartanion just stairs

Soundtrack: she’s like the wind is playing in the background

Scene 2: The Lunch Room: A school bell is heard. Feleescia BreAndra and Lief are sitting at a lunch table on the unpopular side of the room. They are not really that unpopular, but these three are somewhere in the middle.      

BreAndra: Can you guys believe that fetcher Mr. POE? He Totes gave me a F on my paper about Jessica Simpson Divorcing Nick Lache!

Lief: Wasn’t that paper supposed to be about an event that changed history?

BreAndra: Uh…Yeah! Jessica gained like fity pounds. Until her I never thought I’d see a popstar break a scale…like…ever…. Not to mention I totally don’t know if I can trust Nick now

Lief: Yeah 98 degrees of straight up lies. I think it was Brave of you to pick that topic BreAndra. I wrote mine on 911

BreAndra: What did you write your paper about Feleescia?.......Feleescia?????

                (Feleescia is staring at dartanion dreamily)

BreAndra: OMG you totally like him.

Feleescia: Who?

BreAndra: That total hawty Dartanion. You have been staring at him all lunch.

Feleescia: Quit teasing okay? We made eye contact this morning.  I felt a connection with him…It’s hard to explain.   Anyway It’s not like anything is going to happen…He is TOTALLY too popular for me…..

    (Dartanion looks at Feleescia and smiles. The connection has been confirmed. Dartanion felt it too)

((The Bell Rings again))

Lief: Dang Fetch I have to go to Gym class… Ugh its line dancing day. I hope Shellie Silverman doesn’t beg to be my dance partner today. She is so into me.

 

BreAndra: Yeah That would be terrible. Shellie is so annoying.

Lief: are you jealous or something?

BreAndra: No.

(Lief looks disappointed)

Feleescia: Later Guys!

(Feleescia Rushes out)

The Scene ends.

Scene 2

We open in a Grill/bakery. Feleescia is working as cashier and sketching  pictures of dartanion on receipt paper.

Dartanions voice: Priviet.

( Feleescia looks up to see Dartanion standing right at her register. She freaks out and in attempt to hide the sketches…that are sprawled out all over…rips everything off the counter. She keeps her cool though.)

Dartanion (in a Russian accent): I vould like to Order cheeseburger vith no weggies….

Feleescia: Weggies…I used to get a lot of those… incidentally I also liked to eat a lot of cheeseburgers….

(Looking off into the distance remembering something painful)

Dartanion: Vat are you talking about? Do you need a hug?

Feleescia: uh….. (Turns as red as a tomato)

Dartanion: I vas just joking. I am adapting to the American humor. But if you are thirsty I vould love to go out for some fresh water. Fresh water is a Russian delicacy

Feleescia: That would be great. I’d love to learn all about that.

(From the back of the place we here a loud crash that sounds like thunder and lightning)

Feleescia…Ugh I have to go….

(She flips the open sign to close)

Dartanion: Vat about my Cheeseburger?!?!?!?!

End Scene

 

Scene 3:

We zoom in on Breandra and Feleescia having a private conversation in the girls bathroom after gym.  BreAndra and Feleescia have tears in their eyes.

Feleescia: Oh BreAndra I’m so glad you told me. I can’t believe you kept it a secret all this time. BreAndra: I’m really going to miss earth….(starts crying more)

Feleescia: Don’t focus on it too much….I have something to tell you too! Dartanion totally asked me on a date!

BreAndra: of F that’s great!!

(The two share a prolonged hug, during wich BreAndra asks…)

BreAndra: Tell me if I smell like a man

…..

Feleescia: You’re good.

(The hug ends)

End Scene

Scene 4: (Feleescia and Dartanion are at the restaurant ‘ H20Heck this stuff is good’ it is a restaurant that specializes in water.)

Dartanion: Feleescia it is nice to meet vith you herrre for a date

Feleescia: I agree dartanion, I have actually wanted to go on a date with you  for a long time…maybe even since fat camp

Dartanion: Vould you like to be my Girlfriend?

(Before feleescia can answer, dartanions popular friends show up)

Popular friend 1: Dude what are you doing dude this chick used to eat all of our lunches while we weren’t looking

Popular friend 2: yeah man she used to be faaaaaaaaat. Not P.H.A.T either

(Dartanion stands up angrily and says..)

Dartanion: I don’t care vat she used to be, she is beautiful in any form. And I love her

Popular friend 3: dude chill

All popular friends in unison: We’re Outtie

Feleescia: Oh Dartanion that was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!! I would love to be your girlfriend

End Scene

Credits…

Scene at the end of the credits

(BreAndra is journaling on a busy street. Lief walks up)

Lief (out of breath from running): There is something that I need to do…. I love you! I always have!

BreAndra: Lief this is so sudden…I don’t know what to say

Lief: Just say you’ll marry me

BreAndra: ….Lief I am dying of cancer…I don’t have much longer

Lief: sarts crying please give me the time you have left and marry me

BreAndra: If you’re cool with it I am! Yes I will marry you

(Lief goes in for a hug and a car comes and hits him)

 

 

 

 

 

Forgive me Father, I enable Gluttany for a living!

       I have been working fast food for a while now. I didn't really think much of it until my health class watched 'SUPER SIZE ME'. Ever sense then I just can't help but feel like these people are coming up to my register and paying for me to slowly kill them with temporary, little, delicious pleasures.  I have a few stories to prove my point.
       Gordan: This is a lovely older gent to used to come in and order the greasiest thing we had with as much bacon as we could pile on. EVERY DAY! I knew as soon as I started recognizing his face that if he keeps this up he won't last long. Sure enough he came up to my register the other day (after weeks of not seeing him) and said, "Doctor says I need to go on a diet. I nearly died of a heart attack a few weeks ago". Than he ordered a cheeseburger with bacon.
     This next story is about a man named "Lamb". That's the only name he will give us and it is obviously an alias. When he first started coming he would order a Large Oreo shake once a day, everyday. I slowly watched his little addiction grow to two Large Oreo shakes a day, everyday. One of these times I must have given him the strangest look, or he started to feel guilty because he explained to me that he only slept for like 3 hours the night before and he needed the sugar for the energy. HE IS A LIAR. I think. Anyway yesterday I had enough of the guilt I felt enabling this mans addiction. When he came to order his second Shake. I looked at him, thought of gordan, and (not because we actually were, not because I was feeling lazy, but out of the goodness of my heart) I said we were out of ice cream. He said a couple of vulgarities and walked away. You're welcome sir!

What Your Cashier Won't Tell You

I've been Working as a cashier for a year now and I have some secrets to tell the costumer about what is going on, on the other side of the register.

1. When You Ask How Long It's Going To Take For you to get Your Meal During the Lunch Rush I usually reply with, "It will be about ten minutes." What I really Mean is, "See those 20 tickets on the table there? you get yours when those are done."

2. I know I gave you the drink upgrade yesterday without charging extra. That was out of the kindness of my heart. The reason I cant do that this time?!  Do you notice anything different about today that wasn't here yesterday? like that little, Loud, Bossy Armenian gem standing behind me...yeah That's the Lady in Charge and I don't want to get in trouble. So Please don't make a scene. It's just awkward for everyone at that point.

3. Please don't hand me that "20 cents you just now remembered" after I have already rung you up. It Throws me off and I barely passed math last semester with a C-.

4. Please Don't talk on the phone/ make out with your Bf/Gf while ordering your food! "I'm sorry is my taking your order after YOU walked up to my register so annoying and ruining your personal life?" Not My Prob peeps! The Longer you do this the less sincere my smile gets. and there goes my tips for the rest of the day!

I'm Good with Black people! Hecks Yeah!

My Definition of a GOOD day
1. When A Wonderful Man From Haiti says, "You are good with black people".....I don't exactly know what that means, but it is now #1 on the list of best compliments I have EVER recieved in my lifetime! #2 is when  nice boy on a trampoline called me bad A!
2. That Haitian Added me on facebook....He sells songs on iTunes. He's a fly Rapper?! Awesome we have a lot in common.
3. When a man at panda express hands you a special Fortune cookie that says, "You Out Distance all other competitors." (Thanks Brady. That means A LOT!)
My Definition of a BAD day
1. Wild Ginger says,"You Have horrible Style, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE throw away all your clothes before I throw up on them.".....That is an exact quote. (Almost)

six packs are the new Lance Bass!!

The other day I had the wonderful opportunity to sit down with my little sister and "Chit Chat"(I think the kids still say that)! She is 16 so naturally boys were a popular topic in this 30 minute conversation! She was so excited to talk about all the boys in her class that she was like TOTALLY in love with! When I asked to see  pictures I was shocked at what she showed me! All of these boys were identical! They all looked like this....

(P.S. No I did not creepily use one of their pics! Gross! I think this might be an add for the bowflex or something! Still awkward, but it was all for the cause!)
When I asked if they had faces. She kind of gave me a weird look as if to say, "Do they need faces?!" She goes to a school where the boys are required to wear shirts, so I wonder if these crushes developed before or after they became friends on facebook...Hmmm....Anywho it made me think about how much things have changed sense I was her age! When I would tell my older siblings about my crushes this was usually the picture I would show them...

Lance Bass was my Favorite!!!!.....Big mistake! </3 :'( I almost died when I learned that I wasn't his... "type".    It's ok though. The Backstreet boys made an Excellent Rebound! Now I am definitely Team Brian!!